...is hard to do.
My grandmother (on my mom's side) is in the last stages of her life. She's unresponsive, won't eat, etc. I can't say that this is unexpected as it's been a long time coming. But the question is, does that make it any easier?
She's been sick for a long time now. Mentally that is. She's bi-polar, has depression, and other various things. These never got diagnosed until she was in her 60's. Because of that, she never had the proper care or medication she needed before that.
I can't speak for anyone else in my family, but I had a very...interesting relationship with her. I was her only grandchild. She spoiled me. Even if it wasn't with gifts, it was with her time. I have very fond memories of going to spend weeks with her and my grandfather (Mac) during the summer. She would take me to see movies, drive me to DC to have picnics on the lawn in front of the Monuments. Through all this, we definitely had some bumpy spots. It would get confusing for me when she would feed me ice cream and then proceed to tell me that I was "fat, and useless" or that I would "never amount to anything."
Obviously, once she got diagnosed, it was easy to see what these bouts of meanness were. She has a personality disorder, she's bi-polar, manic/depression. But when you're 8 years old...that doesn't mean much. I think as I've gotten older its gotten easier for me to forgive her. I don't make excuses for her, but she wasn't receiving the help that she needed. So, while I do remember the bad times, I try to hold the good times because those were her and not her disease.
I'm not sure which is harder, knowing someone is dying and having a chance to say good-bye or having them die suddenly. I've had it happen both ways. My grandfather suddenly passed away on July 4, 2005...with no warning. I never got a chance to say good-bye or tell him how much I loved him or appreciated his love and support. But I've watched my grandma go down hill since the day she lost him. I've watched as, little by little, she's lost her life. She's not really there anymore, she's been gone for awhile. It's just her outer shell that still remains.
So I just hope she knows that despite everything, I love her. And I forgive her. And I hope that in the next place, she's truly happy.
